The Bad and The Ugly: Black Teenage Behaviors You Better Worry About

Black teenage behavior can leave parents confused. I’m sure that sometimes, your teen makes you wonder: “Is my teenager’s behavior normal or should I be concerned?”

You teen may be moody, irritable, and rebellious. Your teen may be argumentative. Your teen may not follow all your rules. Perhaps your teen takes risks that make your worry.

Well, guess what? Crazy and annoying as it seems, these behaviors are normal for teenagers.

As a social worker, I had the benefit of learning teenage development. Plus, I have over 15 years working with youth.

You, however, may not have had the benefit of learning teenage development. Therefore, you may know which behaviors are normal for Black teenagers and what behaviors you need to be worried about.

Black parents have good reasons to be worried about their teens. The world has many, many traps that can lead Black teenagers astray. Far too many of our teens fall into these traps and never get out. If your teen falls into one of these traps, they can ruin their lives forever before it even got started.

When it comes to your teen, ignorance is not bliss. You must be ever vigilant for signs that your teen is having problems. Not knowing when you should worry about your teen’s behavior means you don’t know when and how to intervene. If you miss the signs that your teen is troubled or out-of-control, your teen can wind up hurt or worse.

In this article, I reveal some behaviors that are surefire red flags that your teen is either troubled or out-of-control and needs help.

Problems in School

Troubled and out-of-control teenagers usually have lots of problems in school. These problems include any of the following:

• Consistently getting poor grades
• Missing school at least once a week without your permission (this doesn’t include suspensions).
• Being suspended frequently from school
• Refusal to do any class and home assignments
• Frequently disrespecting school staff and other students
• Frequent calls from school about your teen’s disruptive behavior

Anger

Out-of-control teenagers have serious anger management issues. Again, normal Black teenagers also have anger issues. However, there’s a huge difference between normal and out-of-control teen anger.

• Out-of-control teens get angry way more often than normal teens.
• The intensity of out-of-control teens’ anger is greater than that of normal teens.
• It’s much easier to get troubled teens angry than it is for normal teenagers.
• Out-of-control teens have a lot less control of their anger than normal teens.
• Anger has a greater negative impact on difficult teens’ social relationships and academic functioning than it does for normal teens.

Signs that your teen has serious anger issues include the following:

• Getting easily angry, irritated, or upset
• Explosive temper tantrums two or more times a week
• Anger that is usually out of proportion to the issue that made him or her angry
• Anger that is frequently followed by verbal (name-calling, insults, mockery, blaming, cursing) or physical aggression (hitting, spitting, kicking, breaking things)
• The feeling that you and others must walk on eggshells around your teen because of fear of getting them angry

Defiance

Although annoying as heck for parents, defiance is normal for teenagers. Most teenagers are defiant only occasionally.

Out-of-control teenagers, however, take defiance to a whole other level. Their defiance is abnormal. The difference between normal and abnormal defiance is the frequency and severity of defiance.

Your teen is abnormally defiant is your teen does any of the following:

• Consistently disobeys rules at home and school
• Frequently refuses to do anything adults ask them to do, even reasonable requests and expectations.
• Shows disrespect towards almost all adults
• Deliberately attempts to undermine authority figures (that is, keep authority figures from controlling them)
• Frequently attempts to annoy authority figures
• Regularly uses passive-aggression and blatant defiance to avoid doing what you ask, instruct, or expect them to do
• Frequently argues with and back talk to adults

Aggression

Aggression is a huge red flag that your teen is either troubled or out-of-control. Aggression is behaviors that hurt others either physically, psychologically, or both.

Aggression can be reactive or proactive. Reactive aggression is aimed at hurting someone for some real or imagined provocation. Usually, the aggressive act is impulsive and caused by fear or anger.

Proactive aggression is the worst kind of aggression. This kind of aggression is premeditated and is always carried out for a purpose other than to just hurt someone. The aggressor uses aggression to get something he or she wants. An example of proactive aggression is robbing someone at gunpoint.

Aggression includes any of the following:

• Bullying others verbally and physically
• Frequently starting physical fights with others
• Carrying or using a weapon against someone
• Frequently threatening or intimidating others
• Deliberately destroying objects out of anger or vindictiveness
• Frequently using verbal aggression towards others
• Using passive-aggressive behaviors with the intention to hurt

Miscellaneous Behaviors

Other signs that your teen is getting out of hand include:

• Chronic lying (even when there’s no reason to do so)
• Staying out pass curfew or staying out all night
• Hanging out with troublemakers
• Constantly doing things that put themselves and others at risk
• Using or abusing drugs and alcohol
• Mistreatment or cruelty to animals (a serious behavior which is linked to criminality in adulthood)
• Involvement in crime or illegal activities
• Stealing and theft
• Conning and other manipulative and deceptive behaviors (especially if your teen is skilled in the art of manipulation)

Conclusion

For some teens, it’s easy to tell if they’re out-of-control. For other teens, however, it’s not so simple. Even normal Black teenagers are sometimes unruly and get in trouble. And, sometimes, out-of-control teens act normal.

I can’t stress the importance of recognizing if you have a troubled or out-of-control teenager. Failure to do so can lead to serious consequences for you, others, and your teen.

Always be on the lookout for signs that your teen needs help. Resist the urge to minimize or ignore warning signs. If you see a warning sign, act immediately. The longer you wait, the worse the problems get – and the harder it becomes to change your teen.

Gregory Harden is a licensed social worker in Maryland with over 15 years working with out-of-control youth and their families. Learn more about parenting out-of-control teenagers at http://www.blackparentsincharge.com/blog